SLEEP TRAINING!

READY TO GET SOME ZZZ'S NEW MOMS? READ ON..............

Ok new Moms, listen up. I am no expert, but having had success with getting TWO babies to sleep through the night, you may want to hear what I have to say. The #1 question I hear new Moms asking is, "Is your baby sleeping through the night?" This is both a measurement tool and a sign of desperation. It's a measurement tool because new Moms are always comparing their babies to other people's babies to see how well their babies are doing. And it's a sign of desperation because what new Mom (or any Mom for that matter) isn't desperate to get a good night's sleep?! Yet, we can't do that when we have a baby waking up every hour.

Just last weekend I was at a party with a bunch of parents. I was telling one Mom how I got my 5 month old daughter to sleep through the night. As soon as I mentioned "sleep training" I heard the silent eye rolls around me. This Mom was quick to respond that her 8 month old daughter still wants to breastfeed all night. Of course I didn't say this, but what baby doesn't want to feed all night? That's why it's called sleep TRAINING. Yes, some people are blessed with babies that just sleep through the night without any kind of training at all. But most babies have to learn how to sleep through the night. Why? From the time they are infants, babies wake up in the middle of the night out of necessity to feed. And you have either given your baby a bottle or a breast, or both. This is a nutritional necessity, but it also teaches a certain kind of behavior. The message is, wake up and you will be comforted, and then you can go back to sleep. So, actually, babies learn to rely on breastfeeding or the bottle to comfort themselves, and in many cases, to fall asleep. The challenge this presents for the parent is -- what happens when the baby no longer NEEDS the feeding because of their age and weight (most experts agree that after 4 months and 14 pounds, babies don't need a night feeding - but check with your Pediatrician for clearance on your baby), but your baby is still waking up? How do you get them back to sleep?

This is where self-soothing comes in. And this is the REAL reason to do sleep training. Infact, the term "sleep training" should be replaced with the term "self soothing training". Babies need to learn how to self sooth. Whether you swear by the Sleep Easy Solution, the Baby Whisperer, or Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits for Happy Baby (these are all great books by the way), all the experts agree that babies need to learn to self sooth. And, unfortunately, learning to self sooth sometimes involves a little bit of crying...and, in some cases, a lot of crying -- hence the term "the cry it out method". Imagine if you were given something to eat everytime you got upset, and then all of a sudden you got upset and no one gave you anything to eat. You'd have to find some other way to sooth yourself - something you could do for YOURSELF. Most babies will end up sucking on a thumb, fingers, a pacifier, a blanket, or like my daughter, their feet. It doesn't matter what it is, if they can do it themselves, for themselves, they are self soothing...and this is your goal.

I'm sure there are all kinds of methods, but here is what worked for me. Again, I'm not an expert and I am not claiming to be one. Check with your pediatrician before you do any form of sleep training.

When your baby wakes up and starts fussing or crying, WAIT 5 minutes before entering their room or getting them from the crib. If they don't stop crying, quietly go to their crib/room and without turning on any lights or lifting them up, gently pat their bottom or rub their belly and whisper sweet nothings ("Mommy's here, time to go night night" -- you get the idea). Leave the room within 30 SECONDS. If they keep crying, wait another 5 minutes and then do the exact same thing. If they keep crying, wait 10 minutes this time and then go in and do the same thing. If they keep crying, wait 15 mintues this time and then go in and do the same thing. Repeat in 15 minute increments until they fall asleep. Babies vary, and some babies will fall asleep within 15 minutes and others will take over an hour. The HARDEST part about this is that your baby may cry REALLY hard. This is in large part because they are used to different behavior (you nursing them or picking them up, etc.) and they are protesting. The reason to increase the intervals by 5 minutes in between each check in is so that they are given more and more time to try and sooth themselves. Although this process seems and feels entirely unnerving and cruel, a magical thing starts to happen. They start to learn to sooth themselves.

The typical timeframe for sleep training is 3 nights. But be prepared. Be prepared for screaming and crying. Be prepared to lose sleep, be stressed out and feel anxious. Be prepared to doubt and question what you're doing 1000 times. Be prepared for your partner/spouse to doubt what you're doing. Again, I'm not an expert (have I given that disclaimer enough now?!) If you have any concern/question if your baby is ready or this is the right thing to do, ask your pediatrician, read some books or Google sleep training. You will be assured that most experts are on the same page about this. One last thing. Don't start and stop. Now that's cruel and it sends mixed messages to your baby. If you're gonna do it, commit to 3 nights and do the exact same thing every single night.

GOOD LUCK!

TEXT ME MOMMY

As I sit here on my MAC Notebook, which is on my desk, in front of my MAC Desktop…and next to me sits my Blackberry Bold (or is it the Tour, or the whatever-else-brands-they-have), I wonder if technology is a good thing or a bad thing? My to-do list is never done. I need a to-do list for my to-do list. I have so many iPhoto projects ½ done – books I have made on both iPhoto and Snapfish - photos I constantly debate whether to send to Flicker or Costco or just post on Facebook…so much technology, so many projects, so many decisions, so little time = nothing gets done. Who can keep up with it??!!!! And then my husband comes home and tells me he’s doing something (a “technology experiment” he calls it) called 4 square. He goes places (Starbucks, the gym, etc.) and “checks in”. Other people go places and “check in”, and it’s a way of god knows what (to let people you know, know where you are at all times??!!!!) Creepy! That is just WAY TO MUCH INFORMATION for people who have WAY TOO MUCH TIME.

Me? I’m just trying to write thank you notes. Remember those? I have thank you notes with my daughter’s name, thank you notes with my son’s name (oh, by the way, my daughter is 5 months and my son is 3 years – but, yes, they have personalized stationary) and thank you notes with my name, mine and my husband’s names…. No, I don’t have them with our dog’s names, but I may as well. I owe thank you notes for my son’s birthday (back in June), my daughter’s birth (further back than June), my birthday…I mean come on! Can’t someone call Amnesty on thank you card writing and give us all a break? I need UPS packages to send all my thank you notes because the same people are getting all of them! Or could I just send an email? No, that is where technology does not help. But you get my point. And some people wonder why they never get a phone call. Should they call my home phone, cellphone, text me, email me, Facebook me?! Bottom line is, they have to STALK me just to get in touch with me. There are so many ways to reach me, yet no way at all. I’m too damned busy doing nothing.

Ok, you guys get my point. Everyday I think to myself “I just want to be a Mom today. I want to be fully present for my kids”. And then something happens and takes me away from that moment. Welcome to our world. How many moms do you see at the park texting? Emailing? Forget talking on their cellphones. Now their fingers are doing the talking. And we don’t even REALIZE how this is effecting our kids. That’s the scary part. We always talk about how our kids are sponges. Well, guess what their little eyes are seeing 24/7? Mommies, Daddies and even illegal Nannies (I’m not trying to be politically incorrect here, just honest) completely engrossed in a world they know nothing about – because their world is all about the immediate. A ladybug crawling across the playground, a loud airplane flying through the sky, a leaf blowing in a tree, how their butt feels careening down a hot slide on a summer day…. Thank god for children. Thank god they remind us of the simple things. Things about life that have never changed and hopefully never will. Things you can’t text, email or post on Facebook…and things we adults, and parents in particular, desperately need to get back in touch with.

What were Moms like before cellphones? Have you ever thought about that? They must have played with their kids more, laughed more, appreciated more…maybe they even watched those ladybugs and leaves. If they weren’t distracted by technology….what were they doing at the park? Maybe being so involved with their kids, they felt like kids themselves.

Yesterday I was at the beach with my girlfriend. We were there with our two 3 year old sons. I was on my Blackberry (as I often am) and she was technology-free (ok, I’ll fall for the modern day trap of shortening something and making it sound so catchy – “T-FREE” – how’s that Brangelina??!!) What was she thinking-my friend-being T-FREE?! At one point she said, “Molly, look at the boys rolling in the sand!” and I lifted my head up for the cursory glance, and then back down to my phone. I think she was sending me a bigger message than that. “Molly, you are missing out on your son’s childhood, his gleeful exuberance.” And the message came through loud and clear and more rapid than a text message.