This morning I took a walk on the beach with my son. One of my biggest struggles as a Mom is figuring out how I’m going to keep myself and Hudson entertained all day. It’s the difference between going to a job you know is going to be slow and boring and going to a job that is fast paced and full of purpose. I feel as though I always need to add this disclaimer, I LOVE MY SON. But does that mean I have to love being a full time Mom? I am a high energy person that thrives off production, creativity and “doing”. I have worked hard in the first couple years of Hudson’s (my son’s) life to conquer that and just be ok “being”. I’ve done pretty well – I’ve survived two years and 4 months. But it’s getting to me lately. Maybe because I’m pregnant and have morning sickness and don’t have the same pep as I did before….maybe because Summer’s over and everyone is going back to school except for us… Plus, it doesn’t help that my nanny just quit. Although she only comes 2x/week, that was my reprieve. My time to myself. My time to not have to entertain someone else or be at someone’s beckon call. Does this sound awful? I LOVE MY SON. I just know myself and I know on the days when I get a break, time to myself or have something “going on”, I feel much more alive and energetic. And then there’s the whole homemaker thing. I am not cut out to be a homemaker. Don’t get me wrong, I love to entertain decorate, arrange flowers and organize (to name a few), but I don’t like being a slave to it day in and day out and not having a choice about it. I’m smart, creative, high energy…I’m capable of so much. I hate that when I’m with my son I’m often not 100% present. I’m often thinking about how this isn’t for me. I want to be with my son, but I want moderation, balance and other stimulation. So, I’ve said that enough now. So, what am I doing about it???
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