THE BATTLE OF WILLS

Have you ever wondered if you are too relaxed or too much of a drill sergeant (as a parent)?? I ask myself this all the time. I am the mother to a 3.5-year-old boy and a 9-month-old girl. My boy is the one I often butt heads with. Sometimes it feels like a daily battle of wills. Yesterday it was in the grocery store parking lot. I gave him a lot of freedoms at the store - let him push his own cart, pick his own groceries, put them on the conveyor belt.... The only thing I said no to was the candy at the checkout. Just so you don't think I'm a no-sweets Nazi, we had Pinkberry before we even went to the store! When we got to the car, I loaded all the groceries in the back of the car. It was pretty full at that point because there was also a stroller and some purchases from Nordstrom Rack. Of course my son wanted to climb into the car from the back. I told him it was too full of groceries and other stuff and that he needed to get in the door. I was also wrangling a shopping cart and a 9 month old on my hip (and I'm always tense in parking lots for the obvious reason!) My son kept persisting and started to get pesty and wouldn't budge. Now, the easiest thing to do would have been to let him climb through the back right? But I got engaged. All of a sudden I'm in the battle of wills with my 3 year old, and by doing so I made the situation way more stressful than the one I was trying to avoid (smooshing the groceries and my new Tori Burch boot box). I ended up corralling him to his door...literally corralling. I mean, pushing him with my body (remember I'm holding my baby on my hip and a grocery cart with my hand) and of course he says, "Mommy, you're hurting me!" For the record, I was NOT hurting him. But he sure knows how to push my buttons and make me feel guilty! Little did he know how bad I WANTED to hurt him. Kidding!!! But you know what I'm saying. I just needed to get something done and done my way and my son had the SAME idea. He wanted it done, and done HIS way. Please someone tell me this, too, will pass. Next time I'm in this situation I'm going to remember the motto, "Don't sweat the small stuff." Giving in and letting him climb over groceries is not the same as giving him a donut before dinnertime. I think I can give on certain things.

Speaking of donuts, later that day I had another opportunity to be challenged by my alter ego (i.e. my 3.5 year old). We took our dog to the dog wash and next door was the donut store (as luck would have it). My son immediately started whining for a donut. It was almost 6pm, we hadn't eaten dinner and I am not a fan of giving sweets at night (because I live for my kids' bedtimes!) I told him No and gave him my reasons, but he kept persisting (I know he's doing his job). But this time I wanted there to be a payoff for him. "We can get a donut tomorrow morning before school." He can burn off the sugar at school! The following morning when he woke up, I reminded him about the donut and, guess what, our day got off to a great start! ; )

Lately I just feel like a tired, exhausted, overwhelmed and irritable mom...with my 3.5 year old in particular. It just feels like he always wants my attention and can be pesty in trying to get it. When does the day come when he comes home and runs in his room, takes out his toys and plays by himself? Can't there be an autopilot switch for just PART of the day? Why do we have all these toys anyway? Am I a bad mom because I don't want to play with my son--I'd rather him play by himself so I can work on my projects? Am I bad mom because I can't wait for my kids to be in bed so I can just sit in peace and watch Access Hollywood or read People mag (yes, I love my celeb gossip!) or drink a glass of wine and just stare into space?!! Am I a bad mom because I yell "Shut the BLEEP up" in my head many times a day when the constant chatter and requests (downright demands) keep coming at me like darts in the eyes? The whining, begging, plea-ing, manipulating for movies, candy, donuts, cartoons...whatever their heart desires. It is so easy to forget that they are doing their job. PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES. And we have to be as good at our job as they are at their job. HOLDING THE BOUNDARIES. Sure, the easy way is to cave. Give them the candy, donut, toy, cartoon, movie, but is that good parenting?? I told my husband this morning, good parenting is HARD. I feel like I am always schooling my son....do this, do that, don't do this, you can't do that BECAUSE..... you have to do this because....say please, what do you say??, say hi. say bye. wash your hands. flush the toilet. did you WIPE?? The list goes on and on and on. It's no wonder I feel like I've pounded my head against the wall at the end of the day. I love my kids to death(I know, you can tell, right?!!), we all do, but parenting is exhausting...and anyone that doesn't feel this way...well....I don't have words.

WHINES, SCREAMS, CRIES....OH MY!!!!!

Not to sound melodramatic, but my son broke me tonight. He broke my spirit, and I snapped. I was out all day doing last minute Xmas errands and came home to a happy child and a clean house. Ahhh, nirvana. We had to take the nanny to the bus, which always drives me nuts, especially after driving around all day. The last thing I want to do is have to put my son in the car seat and drive to the bus in rush hour traffic. But, hey, I should be thankful I have a car and can drive right? Afterall, she’s taking the bus. It’s a feat getting my son to do ANYthing these days. Eat. Get dressed. Change a diaper. Leave the house. Get into the car. If we go to a playdate and there’s a movie, he throws a tantrum if we have to leave. He whines and screams and cries to get what he wants – movie, airplane park, climb a tree, not wanting to get out of the car seat, and god forbid I undue his carseat. God forbid I move his stool for him so he can climb on his diaper changing table. God forbid I move the diaper caddy out of the way. He has to put everything back so HE CAN DO IT. ME DO IT!!!!!!!! I thought he would want to see Santa, but even that was not enough to motivate him to change his diaper and clothes without a fuss, which turned into a full blown tantrum because we did not have jellybeans at his disposal (an earlier tactic I tried out as a means of getting him to change his diapers that is now dominating my life). Needless to day, I could use a cocktail right now….scratch that, let’s go straight to shots.

TERRIBLE TWO'S ANYONE?!

I’d be lying if I said I’d like my son to stay 2.5 forever. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I get he’s going to grow up and leave me and I’m going to cry over these “golden” years – forgetting all the screaming, crying, temper tantrums, power struggles….just wanting to scream “Shut the F--- UP!” to him in the back seat of the car –-but for now, I am looking forward to that next stage of more self control, more listening, greater COMPLIANCE. We took my son to a dog wash tonight, thinking it’d be a fun family thing to do. My son is so into helping with EVERYTHING – everything we don’t WANT him helping with – cooking eggs over a hot stove, sweeping our already swept pile of dirt (or shall I say UNsweeping it), etc. So I thought for sure he’d love the dog wash. It didn’t take long for the power washer to overtake him when he decided he was bored and needed other stimulation – outside of the confines of the doggy wash bin. His first stop – the miniature dog coral. Of course he wanted to go in there and be with those little yappers and was insisting I lift him up to see over the fence (hard to do when you’re trying to blowdry your dog’s butthole at the same time) Thank god for the sweet dog wash girl with the stepping stool. Then there were the coffee table books. Were those for sale??!!!! Cuz no one’s gonna buy them now! And then there were the dog collars. Not the cool, chunky ones you’d put on a REAL dog….but the little pom pom things (are you kidding ME?!) that go on Pommeranians (sorry, you’re cute, but those COLLARS?!) Soon enough my son’s opinion of them was clear by how they were scattered all over the dog wash floor. So, needless to say, it made me think about-scratch that-fantasize about-the day when Hudson is just a little more tame. Will there ever be such a day?