Real Moms Don't Wear Lipstick!

First and foremost, why did I call my book Real Moms Don't Where Lipstick? It speaks to the idea that when we become Moms we give up a lot. A lot of our former self. In some cases, we become a shell of our former self where things that were important before, just aren't. Like putting on lipstick! Who has time! I feel like so many Moms can relate to this, even gorgeous celebrity Moms. When you have a child your identity completely shifts, even if you maintain the same status at work, something in your core dramatically changes. For so many of us, the old self becomes last priority and for a lot of Moms that means giving up a lot - working out, clothes shopping, going out with friends, looking cute. But it doesn't have to! It's all about finding the balance. What I mean by that is not time management. I mean, finding out what works for YOU to be the happiest Mom YOU can be. And to start, we have to stop comparing ourselves to others, because what works for one woman, won't necessarily work for you.

We women love to do this endless comparison game. Whether it's about each other's outfits, boyfriends, husbands, careers, children. It's how we size ourselves up - by sizing each other up. Let's face it, don't you look other women up and down and make an almost immediate judgement about who they are, what they do, if you are better or worse than them? Immediately feelings like admiration, envy, adoration, curiousity pop up. As women we are infinitely curious about ourselves and our inner workings and we often try to discover more of ourselves through other women and how alike or disalike we are.

My Mom always boosted my ego and told me I was great. However, one day she said, "There will always be someone prettier than you." There was great freedom in that statement because I was able to take myself off the hook for constantly and never-endingly competing in the looks department. I applied it to other areas as well. "There will always be someone smarter, more successful, etc." The idea is that the only person you have to compete with is yourself - to be the best YOU you can be. you were born with certain assets and some of those are fixed. I have fair, freckled skin. I'm not going to have smooth olive skin no matter how hard I try. But I can play on my features to be the most attractive ME I can be. Freedom.

Same goes with Motherhood. You can be the best Mom YOU can be. Not the Mom your neighbor or best friend is. Stop trying to be someone else and embrace who you are.

FEELING UNAPPRECIATED!

I'm sure you Moms can relate to this. Your husband/partner goes out of town on a guy's trip and while he's gone you are left to do the heavy lifting, ie. take care of the house, kids and possibly even the dog. Before your husband leaves, you have the very best intentions for him to have a great time while you be Supermom. Yet, somewhere along the way this master plan starts to crack at the seams. Maybe it's your child's first temper tantrum or your dog barking so loud at every little sound you start to lose your hearing or the dinner you never made yourself because you were too busy doing everything else or the night terrors that keep you up because your hubbie isn't there to protect you. And, then there is just the general burnout that comes from being a single parent while your partner's away! It is inevitable that some resentment may creep in when you start to feel overwhelmed and your spouse is sending you text messages with pictures of how fresh the powder is. Yet, you continue to give yourself pep talks throughout the weekend (he would do the same for you, you are being a great wife, he deserves this trip, maybe he'll be in a better mood when he gets back and has relieved some of his daily stresses, etc.) you still fall prey to the expectations that start to build for his return home. Since you have made such a sacrifice (because now your do-gooder is giving way to full blown martyr-dom) to hold down the fort while he's away having fun, you start to imagine all the things you expect your husband to do when he returns. Starting with kissing your royal bootie, swooping the kids off to some undisclosed location so you can have piece and quiet, cooking you a 5 course meal or at least acknowledging how beautiful the house looks ON TOP OF all the heavy lifting you pulled off in his absence! But what happens when resentment and expectations are met with ambivalence?? Your partner returns from his amazing guy's trip and not only does he seem exhausted and irritated when the kids are climbing all over him demanding his attention, but he doesn't notice how beautiful the house looks and only complains about dirty dishes in the sink? You hardly hear the words Thank You and you sense a chip on his shoulder?

It seems so obvious to me, but then again, that's why men and women are soooooo different. When you are married or partners and share parenting responsibilities and you get a hall pass to escape all your responsibilities as a father, husband and head of household for a given period of time, when you return, it's game on. This is your way of SHOWING appreciation to the partner you left in the dust, holding all the responsibilities you left behind. Women live for appreciation and acknowledgement and in many cases it's how we receive love. For men, at least my husband, sex seems to be his golden ticket (the fix all for sure), but for women it's the recognition for how hard we work as women, wives, Moms. It's appreciation and gratitude for how well we take care of the children, how pretty we make the house look and all we do behind the scenes that no one ever knows about. And to take it a step further, it's about reciprocation. Have you ever heard the expression, "If you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours". Child rearing is exhausting and one of the best things you can do for your partner (and your partner can do for you) is to give each other a much-deserved break. Women are suckers for surprises. How about planning a massage for your wife unexpectedly when you return from your guy's weekend extravaganza? How about doing the grocery shopping and cooking a couple nights in a row when you first get back while she lounges guilt free watching Entertainment Tonight with a glass of wine -- and to drive it home, maybe even act like her servant. Yes, actually wait on her. I'm telling you, this will go MILES for your relationship in letting her know how much you appreciate her and her contribution. Maybe give her some money and tell her to go do some shopping or get a mani/pedi. What I'm trying to say here is MAKE SOME GRAND GESTURE to show your appreciation. And you will get so many more guy's trips in the future!

DADDY, YOU'RE FIRED!

I realize what I am about to write is going to PISS OFF just about every man/husband/father reading this…and actually make most of you women/wives/mothers absolutely GLOAT….but that is not my intention. My intention would be for men to actually see something in this that could be a contribution to their relationship. But, alas, I can’t control your reaction, so here goes.

Why do men think it’s ok to come home from work and plop on the couch or get on the computer or basically do ANY activity that is the equivalent of “checking out” instead of being an active/present participant in the family activities? I mean, this isn’t the 40’s where the man comes home from work and the wife is waiting with her apron on and a cold martini on a tray and the man goes and sits in his favorite chair in front of the tv and throws his feet up on the ottoman, only for his wife to remove his shoes! Hi Leave it to Beaver, Archie Bunker. I mean, why should the woman wait on the man and do all the work? I know what most men’s argument is. Here it goes. “I’ve been working hard all day to support this family [I deserve to be taken care of]. Uh…helllllllooooo….and what have WE been doing? Sitting on our butts eating bon bons?! And then my favorite is when men have the kids for ONE day so Mom can get a break and the Dad says, “What are you complaining about, that was EASSSSYYYYY.” Ok, Dads, listen up. Having your kids for ONE day here and there is not equivalent to full time parenthood….and if you think it is, try quitting your job and being in our shoes and then you’ll see how HARD it is.

It absolutely fries me when my husband gets home from work and soon after giving my son and I his cursory hello, he slips into the office and gets on the computer. Meanwhile, I am either cooking dinner or entertaining our son….not to mention our son has been anxiously awaiting his arrival home from work. That is probably the saddest part….he doesn’t realize how excited his son is to see him and have his attention, and he is in the office surfing tabloid websites. Give me a break! Wouldn’t I love to be doing that??? Parenthood means sacrifice and selflessness, and unfortunately, NOT doing what you want to do WHEN you want to do it….all the time. It’s time for a Daddy wake up call.

BREASTFEEDING: BONDING OR BONDAGE??!!!

To breastfeed or not to breastfeed…that is the question. Sure this may not be as profound as Shakespeare’s question to live or to die, but probably the most difficult decision for many new Moms to make. I have to admit, for me breastfeeding came relatively easy with my two children. I didn’t have problems with latching, it wasn’t painful and I produced enough milk… Not enough milk to feed a small army, but enough milk to feed my little soldier. I really enjoyed breastfeeding my son (he breastfed until 9 months and is now 3.5 years old), and still do with my daughter (six months old), but breastfeeding doesn’t come without a cost.

As I stood in the shower this morning I pondered how long I would be able to breastfeed my six month old daughter. In the past week I’ve noticed my breasts aren’t as engorged as they used to be. They are starting to flatten out on the top and my bras aren’t filling out as much. When I pump, I’m not even getting a full feeding, and just last weekend I depleted the breast milk storage. I am a full time Mom with the exception of two days a week when I have a babysitter for six hours. This means I have to pump 2-3 feedings for each of those days. That’s a lot of pumping! When I’m home with my daughter, I don’t really keep a schedule. I did with my son, but he was a much different baby. He was fussier, I was sleepier, and keeping a schedule was a necessity for my sanity. I also supplemented with formula when he was 5 months old at the advice of a woman who was helping me sleep train him. He seemed fussy when I breastfed him and she suggested he wasn’t getting enough milk. She recommended I start pumping and monitoring how much he was eating. It was soon after that I started supplementing because he was eating far more than I realized, and I couldn’t keep up. Maybe that’s what’s happening now with my daughter?! When I’m home with her I just feed her “on demand”. When she’s fussy or she’s having trouble falling asleep, or when I want to sooth her (or myself), breastfeeding is my secret weapon (probably the number one reason to breastfeed in my opinion…love that secret weapon!). But the babysitter doesn’t have that secret weapon, so I have to make sure she has milk to spare!

The thing about pumping is, it’s a pain in the butt. Even if you have the all-important breast-pumping bra and put on your favorite reality show, it’s still a pain. And it’s humiliating…even if you’re in a room by yourself. There’s just nothing attractive about pumping. Ask most Moms; it’s pumping that makes breastfeeding feel like a burden. Just when you want to have NOTHING to do, you have to pump! WA WA WA WA WA WA (that’s the sound of the breast pump)!

So I sat there in the shower contemplating whether now was the time to start supplementing. I don’t know why, but when women go from solely breastfeeding to using formula it feels like some judgment is coming down and the guilt sets in. Will my baby get fat now (I know, very superficial and unimportant!)? Will she immediately grow up? Will we lose our bond? Will she be like every other baby? Will I be less of an earth Mother? When you do something that is so natural for so long, it is difficult to consider things any other way. But sometimes necessity takes the choice out of our hands.

So there I was, in the shower examining my breasts, noticing how UNfull of milk they felt, and I knew I had an event to go to which would take me away from my baby for four hours. I got out of the shower and was already pressed for time. I put on my breast pumping bra and my robe and affixed all the necessary gear and starting pumping. Since I was short for time, I blew dry my hair at the same time (gotta love the multi-tasking – I’ve also danced and pumped at the same time – now that takes skill)….As I was pumping and blow drying (working up a sweat I might add), I hear someone knocking at the door downstairs. The dogs start barking. It’s the babysitter and a painful reminder of how little milk is coming out and the decision I’m going to be faced with momentarily. I start sweating more. I have so much to do before I have to leave and I have to arrive at this event on time. No milk is coming. I have thirty minutes before I have to leave. I have to finish my hair, get dressed, pay the garage door repair guys who have been in my house all day, prep the sitter for the afternoon (she is a new sitter by the way)…no milk……… And, finally, I have a moment. I turn off the blow dryer and look in the mirror at myself. I look like a machine with all the breast pumping equipment hanging off me. My breast are sagging. There isn’t any milk in there right now. I know what I need to do, and I finally accept it. Formula. Why am I stressing myself out? Pushing myself up against a wall? I have worked hard to breastfeed and pump and take care of my baby for six months. And I’ve done a great job. She’s amazingly healthy and beautiful. I’m a good Mom. I WANT to continue breastfeeding her and I will. But at this moment, it is what it is, and there isn’t enough milk. My decision is made and I’m at peace with it. But it’s not without some sadness. The babysitter comes in my room and she asks about the feeding schedule. I tell her there isn’t really one. I just know when she’s hungry and I feed her. She asks where the milk is. I show her the barely 3 ounces I just pumped and I point to the can of formula. This will be the first time I say. And there’s silence. And then I start justifying it. She is very understanding, but part of me feels like I’m failing…like I’m letting HER down. I’m going to keep breastfeeding her I insist! Why do I have to prove anything to anyone anyway? But I do. I love breastfeeding my daughter. But I know when enough is enough, and I’ve put myself under enough pressure. It’s time to let myself off the hook. So we make a bottle of formula and went to my event.

I really enjoyed the event. I enjoyed being dressed up and out on the town as a woman, an adult…not a Mom. When it came time to go home, I didn’t want to. I was enjoying myself. I wanted to stay out longer. But duty called. I went home and found my babysitter feeding my baby the bottle of formula. She took it fine. I knew she would. Later that night I breastfed her to sleep and pumped afterward. And this morning I breastfed her again.

I am starting to realize that as a Mom, AND as a person, I have to find balance and give myself a break. If I pressure myself too much about anything, it will take away from the enjoyment of everything. I would rather enjoy breastfeeding my daughter when I can and not worry about it when I can’t. I am lucky, I know, to be able to breastfeed her at all. And I am grateful for that.

WHEN THE HUSBAND'S AWAY........

Ok ladies, I’ve been with my husband for six years, married for four. He is a really good husband and has never done anything to cause me to mistrust him. Yet, whenever he goes out of town, I inevitably lose it. What do I mean by this? I get highly anxious if he doesn’t call or doesn’t answer his cellphone, or if he sounds like he’s having too good of a time. Why can’t I just let him have a good time already??!!! Afterall, my husband is NOT one of these guys that does this often, parties like a rockstar, goes out excessively with guy friends, plants himself on the couch for hours watching tv, or worse yet, on the computer playing xgames (yes, I recently talked to a mom friend who said her husband spends HOURS a DAY playing xbox on the internet. Uh, hello divorce court!!!.....to each their own I guess). So my husband is NOT a slacker, cheater or even remotely irresponsible, so again, why can’t I just let him have a good time already? Well, the answer is simple. I have abandonment issues. And for those of you that have any “issues” (I know, none of you do right?!), you know that “issues” rarely ground themselves in logic, rationale or justice. So, as a result of my abandonment issues, my husband often gets unfairly tried for committing no crime. All I can say is that when he goes out of town and doesn’t call within 24 hours, I know rationally that he is busy or preoccupied or doesn’t think he needs to call, or, god forbid, is just having fun. I know he isn’t holed up with a hooker (sorry to be so crass)…..but the way I physiologically react, you’d think he was.

TEXT ME MOMMY

As I sit here on my MAC Notebook, which is on my desk, in front of my MAC Desktop…and next to me sits my Blackberry Bold (or is it the Tour, or the whatever-else-brands-they-have), I wonder if technology is a good thing or a bad thing? My to-do list is never done. I need a to-do list for my to-do list. I have so many iPhoto projects ½ done – books I have made on both iPhoto and Snapfish - photos I constantly debate whether to send to Flicker or Costco or just post on Facebook…so much technology, so many projects, so many decisions, so little time = nothing gets done. Who can keep up with it??!!!! And then my husband comes home and tells me he’s doing something (a “technology experiment” he calls it) called 4 square. He goes places (Starbucks, the gym, etc.) and “checks in”. Other people go places and “check in”, and it’s a way of god knows what (to let people you know, know where you are at all times??!!!!) Creepy! That is just WAY TO MUCH INFORMATION for people who have WAY TOO MUCH TIME.

Me? I’m just trying to write thank you notes. Remember those? I have thank you notes with my daughter’s name, thank you notes with my son’s name (oh, by the way, my daughter is 5 months and my son is 3 years – but, yes, they have personalized stationary) and thank you notes with my name, mine and my husband’s names…. No, I don’t have them with our dog’s names, but I may as well. I owe thank you notes for my son’s birthday (back in June), my daughter’s birth (further back than June), my birthday…I mean come on! Can’t someone call Amnesty on thank you card writing and give us all a break? I need UPS packages to send all my thank you notes because the same people are getting all of them! Or could I just send an email? No, that is where technology does not help. But you get my point. And some people wonder why they never get a phone call. Should they call my home phone, cellphone, text me, email me, Facebook me?! Bottom line is, they have to STALK me just to get in touch with me. There are so many ways to reach me, yet no way at all. I’m too damned busy doing nothing.

Ok, you guys get my point. Everyday I think to myself “I just want to be a Mom today. I want to be fully present for my kids”. And then something happens and takes me away from that moment. Welcome to our world. How many moms do you see at the park texting? Emailing? Forget talking on their cellphones. Now their fingers are doing the talking. And we don’t even REALIZE how this is effecting our kids. That’s the scary part. We always talk about how our kids are sponges. Well, guess what their little eyes are seeing 24/7? Mommies, Daddies and even illegal Nannies (I’m not trying to be politically incorrect here, just honest) completely engrossed in a world they know nothing about – because their world is all about the immediate. A ladybug crawling across the playground, a loud airplane flying through the sky, a leaf blowing in a tree, how their butt feels careening down a hot slide on a summer day…. Thank god for children. Thank god they remind us of the simple things. Things about life that have never changed and hopefully never will. Things you can’t text, email or post on Facebook…and things we adults, and parents in particular, desperately need to get back in touch with.

What were Moms like before cellphones? Have you ever thought about that? They must have played with their kids more, laughed more, appreciated more…maybe they even watched those ladybugs and leaves. If they weren’t distracted by technology….what were they doing at the park? Maybe being so involved with their kids, they felt like kids themselves.

Yesterday I was at the beach with my girlfriend. We were there with our two 3 year old sons. I was on my Blackberry (as I often am) and she was technology-free (ok, I’ll fall for the modern day trap of shortening something and making it sound so catchy – “T-FREE” – how’s that Brangelina??!!) What was she thinking-my friend-being T-FREE?! At one point she said, “Molly, look at the boys rolling in the sand!” and I lifted my head up for the cursory glance, and then back down to my phone. I think she was sending me a bigger message than that. “Molly, you are missing out on your son’s childhood, his gleeful exuberance.” And the message came through loud and clear and more rapid than a text message.

THE EVOLVING MOM

So, I have been blogging lately about being a Bad Mom. By Bad Mom I don’t mean that I’m REALLY a bad Mom. I don’t abuse or neglect my child or anything like that. But there are plenty of days when I size myself up and just plain don’t MEASURE UP. I constantly tell myself I should be playing with my son more – heck, I should WANT to play with my son more – that I should have more patience and more desire to “just” be a Mom. These THOUGHTS are what make me feel like a Bad Mom. Cuz “Good” Moms always want to play with their kids, and do it often, have an abundance of patience and are always in healthy communication with their child (ie. Not yelling or loosing it…or crying infront of their kid BECAUSE of their kid…which I’ve done a couple times lately)…. You get my drift. It’s the Good Mom vs. Bad Mom wars. And the 64,000 question is…what makes a good Mom anyway and who’s to judge? Some days I wish there were some all powerful Oz watching over me and announcing in an ominous voice “You were a Bad Mom today”….or “You were a Good Mom today” so I wouldn’t have to constantly wonder. I’d have some way to measure. But lately I’ve been feeling like I’m actually a pretty good Mom. Now, this could be because my son is not acting out as much (I barely survived the past couple months of terrible two terrorist torture- you know the 4 T’s – don’t ya Moms?!) But my son is easier now, communicates more, OBEYS more and therefore, I am a better Mom. I love how that works. He’s not a better kid, I’m a better Mom. And, I’m pregnant, in my second trimester, so I’m in this state of nesting bliss. Even my husband said “You’re always in a good mood”. Now, if you only knew how out of the ordinary that is. I mean, those words would typically NEVER come out of his mouth! So maybe it’s pregnancy hormones, but lately I don’t really feel right calling myself a Bad Mom. So, this made me starting thinking about WHAT kind of Mom I am (cuz I need a label, ya know?!) And I got to thinking about how I’ve evolved as a Mom. I started out feeling like I needed to break out of prison. I couldn’t even be home all day with my newborn without leaving the house. I didn’t have a job, but I would pretend I was on maternity leave to trick myself that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. An escape hatch to Motherhood. Almost the entire first year of my son’s life I would have a conversation going on in my head – while I was at the park, while I was changing my son’s diaper, while I was feeding my son, while I was having sex with my husband (ok, not then….just wanted to make sure you were paying attention)…. And the conversation would go something like “This is not enough. I can’t believe this is what you’re doing with your life. This is ALL you’re doing. You should be doing more. You’re wasting yourself/your life.” I don’t want my kids to read this one day and think I regreted having them or being a Mom. It wasn’t about that at all. I loved my son dearly (and still do, even after his terrible two’s)… It was about me EVOLVING into this identity of full time Mom. Before I had kids, I was 100% career driven. That defined me. Ever since I graduated college I was like a race horse looking for a track. Money driven, success driven, power driven, you name it. I was in several different industries and was on a constant search for that “thing” I was meant to do with my life. I always knew I wanted to have kids, but I never dreamed of or planned on being a “stay at home Mom”. In fact, I wondered how someone could be happy doing that. I guess I always imagined being a working Mom. Truth is, I didn’t have a plan. But as fate would have it, I was working in the Mortgage industry before I got married, and after a 3 year run and 1 million dollars later (I got in when the going was GOOD), I lost my job and discovered I was never passionate about it in the first place. Then, an unexpected turn of events! My husband and I got married on The Today Show. That is a WHOLE other story – see Today Show Throws a Wedding BLOG – and I quit the mortgage business and never looked back. After our Today Show Wedding, I decided to pursue my long term dream of being a television personality. I was going to be the next Oprah! Now I know better (visit my How I Became A TV Host BLOG). But the unexpected twist in THAT plan was getting pregnant. Yup, after 37 years of trying NOT to get pregnant, I didn’t know if I could. So I never thought that the first time would be the charm. But sure enough, in the comfort of the Club Quarters hotel in New York, and during the Today Show Wedding competition, my husband and I conceived our first child, Hudson. We didn’t know I was pregnant until after the wedding and honeymoon (maybe my son is a thrill seeker because I bungee jumped from 400+feet with him in my womb on our honeymoon!)… So, my plans of getting an agent and a TV gig were temporarily put on hold. But I did find Marki Costello’s hosting school and began building my craft as a TV host. But I disgress, this whole blog is about EVOLVING. And, really, how I evolved from a hard core career person to a stay at home Mom. Because, for me anyway, Motherhood is a constant state of evolution. Some might say it’s an attempt to achieve balance, but what’s that? As soon as you have balance, something changes, and you’re out of balance again. So I don’t strive to have balance. I strive to evolve, to keep evolving, and to roll with and adapt to the evolution. At first I couldn’t imagine being a stay home Mom. Then I grew into it and developed an appreciation for it, and learned what I needed to do to be true to myself in the process (continuing to pursue my dream of being on TV). Then I got my body back and my energy back and I felt like my old self again, wanting to do the things my “old self” did – the pre-Mommy me. And then I got pregnant again. Back to the drawing board. Now I once again am redefining myself and my purpose. I can’t drink, I can’t dance on tabletops, I can’t run a marathon. I have a baby growing in my body. I have lost a sense of self, but I am gaining a much better part of myself – a new child. And I know the day will come again when I will have my body back (to myself) and feel like my old self again…and I’m sure I’ll have to go through several iterations of evolution before that happens. And that’s ok. Like I said, Evolution.

BEING A MOM IS HARD WORK!

You don’t need an expert to tell you that being a mom is hard work. And I don’t just mean how much WORK it is – diapering, feeding, cleaning, etc. Did you ever stop to think what it would be like to take care of another person’s every need? I mean, EVERY need? Down to scooping their poop on a daily basis? I think when most woman fantasize about Motherhood they think about all the cute things. How cute their baby will be, how good it will feel to love someone other than yourself (ha), how cute all the baby clothes and things are and how cute your nursery will be….it is largely a blown out narcissistic fantasy. Trust me, awaiting moms don’t sit around and fantasize about diaper changing, sleepless nights, months of sleep deprivation, frumpiness, lack of sleep and sex, loss of identity and the abundance of patience and self sacrafice that parenting takes. I certainly didn’t know until I became a parent myself. Now, let’s face it, a lot of Moms just can’t handle it. And they know it. I have friends that say “I could NEVER be a full time Mom.” Kudos to them. They know what they need. And anyone who thinks they should feel ashamed, shame on you. Why can’t a woman want a child, want to be a Mom, but also want a life outside of being a Mom. Where does it say that every Mom has to be a full time Mom to be a good Mom? It would be interesting to do a hidden camera inside a full time Mom’s house and a part time Mom’s house and see how has more patience, more attention span for their child, more presence, more appreciation? Afterall, do children just need you there or do they need the best you they can get when you are there? It’s an age old question.

I'M A "GOOD ENOUGH" MOM...AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH

I am starting a new blog called "Am I Bad Mom?" (amiabadmom.com). The reason I'm starting this is because every day, at least once a day, I ask myself that question. Am I bad Mom because..... Because I don't want to be a Mom today. Because I don't want to be a Mom right now. Because I don't want to go to the park today. Because I don't want to play trains right now. Because I don't want to read right now. Because I'm tired and impatient and want to crawl in bed. The list goes on.

I read an article in a magazine that talked about the idea of being a "good enough Mom" and how we drive ourselves crazy with this idea of perfection - being the perfect Mom. Perfectly patient. Perfectly loving. Perfectly tolerant. Perfectly PRESENT. The article pointed out that being a "good enough Mom", which was defined as being at your best just 30% of time, was good enough. Really????? Whew!!!!! I can shoot for 30%. It made me realize that part of my discontent with being a full time Mom is the feeling that I have to be perfect 100% of the time. I just don't think that's possible for me and I guess that's ok.

I am person too. It's ok that I don't find playing trains, playing at the park, reading books and collecting rocks all that fulfilling 100% of the time. I love my son, but I have other interests and aspirations, or maybe I just want to do nothing and zone out. Why am I always judging myself?